Novo poglavje

Približuje se dan, ko mi bo potekel status študenta. Čeprav sem vesela, da bom zdaj končno stopila v resnični svet, pa se me vseeno občasno poraja tesnoba, saj še nimam zagotovljene službe. Drastično rečeno bo 1. oktober zame prelomni dan, zato sem želela z vami deliti nekaj svojih strahov, želja in sigurnosti v uspeh.

Že kot punčka sem vedela, da bo moja življenjska pot drugačna od povprečne. Vsak večer, ko sem šla spat, sem se zatopila v razmišljanja, kaj lahko doprinesem k svetu. Vse sanje in ideje, ki so takrat nastale, so se najprej manifestirale v pisanju scenarijev in snemanju filmov. To obdobje je bilo zame res pomembno, saj sem dobila občutek, da se lahko lotim vsega, kar si želim. Resnično sem hvaležna svojim staršem, ki sta mi to brezpogojno omogočila in bila v proces včasih še bolj vključena kot jaz. Pravtako sem hvaležna svojim bližnjim prijateljem in bratu Lovru, ki so sodelovali pri vseh mojih idejah in načrtih. 

Sanje o filmski režiji sem gojila vse do konca gimnazije. Filmska režija je bila takrat le način — edini, ki sem ga takrat poznala — preko katerega bi lahko svetu prinesla tisto, kar lahko prinesem le jaz. Na sprejemnih izpitih za filmsko režijo sem ugotovila, da to ni pravi način zame. Kot druga možnost pri vpisu na fakulteto sem vpisala Matematiko in bila sprejeta. Študentska leta so bila leta razvoja, dozorevanja in so bila zame potrebna, čeprav  je bila tema študija izven tega, o čemer sem prej sanjala. Sčasoma sem dozorela v samozavestno žensko, ki ve, kdo je oziroma to raziskuje.

Med študijem sem nekoliko pozabila na tisto punčko s sanjami in se začela spogledovala z doktorskim študijem matematike, a nekje v srcu je nekaj trznilo, vsakič, ko sem na to pomislila. K sreči sem se odločila za absolventsko leto z namenom, da ugotovim, kaj je tisto, preko katerega lahko uresničim sebe.

In tako so se zgodile pravljice, zaradi katerih je nastal tudi ta blog. Spet se počutim kot tista punčka, ki gre zvečer z veseljem spat, saj ve, da se ji bo, ko zapre oči, odvil svet, ki tiči v njenem srcu. Le da sem zdaj odrasla in lahko tisti svet, ki sem ga prej videla le s srcem, naredim z lastnimi rokami in vidim na lastne oči.

Pravljice, ki jih pišem, so mi prve dale občutek tega sveta na fizični ravni; in vse to, kar se je zgodilo z njimi le potrjuje moje srce. Seveda se me včasih loti tudi strah, kako bom s tem uspela preživeti. Ne želim si poiskati službe s standardnim delovnim urnikom, ki bo iz mene poskrala vse življenje. Živeti želim iz tega, kar živi v meni. Pri tem se zanašam le nase, življenje in druge dobre ljudi. Včasih ta nezagotovljenost, da se bo kaj zgodilo, prodre skozi pore utrujenosti ali negativne izkušnje in zamaje temelje. A takrat le vem, da temelji v meni obstajajo, saj jih je to le zatreslo in ne uničilo. Zato še naprej strumno korakam po svoji poti. 

Rada bi se vam zahvalila za vso podporo in za vsak klik miške, ki ga naredite na mojem blogu. Vsaka podpora, pa naj bo le beseda, me drži na poti do svojih sanj. Hvala.

Moj prvi dan v OŠ Lila

Ko ti naključje spremeni življenje

Za OŠ Lila, ki pred letošnjim 1. septembrom še ni obstajala, sem zvedela popolnoma naključno. Namenjena sem bila na zabavo v Maribor in prijatelj mi je predlagal, naj namesto vlaka koristim kak prevoz s prevozi.org. Naključno sem izbrala voznika, ki je iz Ljubljane odhajal ob pravem času in — če se smem pohvaliti — ne bi mogla izbrati bolje. V avtu smo se pogovarjali o tem, kaj študiramo in kaj si želimo od življenja. Omenila sem, da pišem pravljice za otroke, a take, ki imajo poleg zgodbe tudi izobraževalno komponento. Voznica, ki je študirala pedagogiko, mi je predlagala, naj se pozanimam o Šoli Lila. Zdelo se ji je, da moja filozofija sovpada z njihovo. Pisala sem Tini, ustanoviteljici šole, in ostalo je — kot pravijo — zgodovina. Hvaležna sem jim, da so me sprejeli medse in vesela sem, da lahko z njihovo pomočjo raziskujem sebe in svojo pot.

Na prvi šolski dan sta me učitelja Jasna in Kristjan povabila, da pridem malo na okoli, malo poslikam in tudi kaj zapišem. V tistih treh urah, ki sem jih preživela z njimi, mi je po telesu tekla kreativnost namesto krvi.  Nastalo pa je tole:

Našla sem jih v bližnjem parku. Jasna je želela zbrati otroke za novo igro, a je zanimanje otrok za Kristjanovo pletenje prevladalo, zato so idejo opustili. Kristjanu je iz zelo upogljive veje uspelo splesti lep venček, čeprav je vmes priznal, da ne ve, kaj dela. Po navdušenju otrok nad njegovo mojstrovino jim je zadal izziv: svoj izdelek bo podaril tistemu, ki bo naredil najboljši približek. Otroci so se zagnali po material in s pomočjo Jasne in Kristjana začeli ustvarjati. Ko so otroci končali svoj izdelek, jih je Kristjan pobral, da si jih ogleda in izbere zmagovalca. Rezultat izziva: modni dodatek za obešalnik, ročaj, krona, neznano, zapestnica, obroč in krogec. In zmagovalec? Kristjan je oznanil, da so vsi izdelki naravnost čudoviti, zato bo svoj venček podaril vsem in skupaj se bodo odločili, kam v razredu ga bodo obesili.

Nazaj v učilnici so se posedli na žoge, ki jih uporabljajo namesto stolov in začeli iskati zgodbo, ki jo bodo narisali na steno. Zgodbo so ustvarjali tako, da je vsak povedali nekaj stavkov, nato pa je nadaljeval naslednji v vrsti. Nekje med pripovedovanjem, ko je glavna junakinja stena čofnila v jezero z delfini sredi gozda, me je ena punčka zaposlila z žoganjem.

Čas je za barvanje stene. Žoge pospravijo za ogrado, narejeno iz miz, in Jasna otroke obleče v prevelike majice, ki se smejo umazati z barvo. Mercator vrečka s tremi luknjami  na pravih mestih pravtako služi svojemu namenu, ugotovi Jasna, ko zmanjka majic. Kmalu nastanejo (upravičene) skrbi zaradi packanja parketa, zato žrtvujejo koledar in posamezne liste položejo ob steno. Naj se zabava začne! Ena punčka pride do Kristjana in ga vpraša, kaj naj nariše. Kristjan jo spodbudi, naj le zaupa vase, njemu se vse zdi super. Rezultat barvanja je bila pobarvana stena in stopala otrok (ena od zadnjih inspiracij, preden so zaključili z barvanjem, je bil tudi odtis stopala). No, pa seveda nekaj kapljic na tleh. Ampak res samo nekaj. 

Zadnja akcija pred kosilom je torej še čiščenje tal. Vsak dobi svojo gobico in začne čistiti. Seveda se učinek nekoliko zmanjša, če po mokrih, že čistih tleh stopamo s pobarvanimi stopali, a kljub temu je bilo vse zelo hitro pospravljeno. Še posebej ob pomoči Kristjana, ki odstani vse trdovratne madeže, če ga pokličemo na 090... 

Po kosilu je na vrsti počitek. Mize in žoge so umaknili, da so lahko na sredo dali veliko peno in jo pokrili z odejami. Otroci so sezuli svoje copatke in se pridružili Kristjanu za zgodbico. Ob njegovi pripovedi o Butalcih so uživali in se smejali ter takoj po koncu zahtevali ponovitev. In takrat se je moj prvi dan v Šoli Lila zaključil.

Čeprav me je vrvež in živahnost otrok po dobrih treh urah le opazovanja dodobra utrudila, sem učilnico zapustila z nasmehom na ustnicah in srečo v srcu.

Jasni, Kristjanu, Tini in vsem ostalim sodelavcem Šole Lila resnično želim zelo uspešno leto in po tem, kar sem videla na prvi šolski dan, sem prepričana, da vam uspeh ne more uiti.

A man in front of a mirror

A man stood in front of a mirror and his eyes wandered across the reflection as if he was looking for something. He expected to see himself in the mirror, as we all do, when we step in front of one. But the man saw everything but himself. He saw his expensive cars and his beautiful house. Next to it he saw his office where he worked all day and earned a lot of money. When he stepped closer to get a better look, he noticed his wife with whom he had not talked to in a while. “I don’t have time for talking,” was his excuse when his wife wanted to spend a candlelit evening with him, “I have to work to earn a lot of money.” Next to his wife stood their six-year old son, to whom he would rather buy expensive toys than to spend time playing with him. This was all he saw. He moved his eyes across the reflection once again but with no luck. He still could not find himself in the reflection. “How is this possible?” puzzled the man.

He thought for a while and then concluded that the mirror must be faulty. “Yes, that must be the reason,” he said and went to find another mirror. He passed long hallways in his house and entered various rooms. Almost every room had a mirror. He stepped in front of each one in hope he would find himself in the reflection, but every time the reflection was the same. He saw his house, his office, his wife and son somewhere in the background, but he was nowhere to be found.

“I don’t understand! Really, I don’t!” he cried out in anger when he stood in front of the last mirror he had found in the house. He stepped in front of every mirror he could find, but none of them showed him. He was worn out and angry from walking around his huge house in vain and so decided to go out of the house. He walked to a lake that rested in front of his house and sat under a tree. Ever since he was a young boy, nature had the power to calm him down. For a few minutes he was still trying to find the answer but then he stopped and relaxed. He gazed across the lake and spent a few moments without thoughts. “This is the first time in a while that I am by myself.” he then thought. “Ever since I have become famous I haven’t had time for myself.” The man became famous when he built the city’s library which is now considered the most beautiful building in the city. After that, offers came from everywhere and he wanted to accept them all. Soon, the abundance of money misled him and he forgot his passion.

“I used to draw plans for houses, because I wanted to make the most beautiful, comfortable and useful house. Now I draw them just to make money.” he sighed. “As a young boy I really loved houses.” he said with a gentle smile when this childhood memory crept into his mind. “When parents allowed, I would walk around the city and watch houses. I would sit in front of the most beautiful ones for hours and admire them.” he remembered. “I looked at how the windows were designed and which material they used for the door. I was trying to guess how the rooms were distributed inside. I remembered all that so that one day I could make a beautiful house like that.”

All these memories woke him from a sleep which had been going on since he became famous. Slowly the memory of the young boy became more vivid. As if his body became younger as well, he rose to his feet and went for a walk around the lake. In his heart he felt the same spark he had felt as a young boy. With it he drew gorgeous houses in his dreams and dared to believe he could make his dreams come true.

Now the young boy settled completely into our man. He filled him with youth only love for one’s work can achieve and made him walk faster. Now he enjoyed trees, birds and grass as if he was that young boy, coming back home from a tour of the city full of energy and ideas. Soon he arrived at the other side of the lake and in front of himself he saw his house and expensive cars. His wife stood in the garden and watched their son play. “I forgot about myself and traded my wife and son, who I adore, for money,” he said to himself. Now he understood why he could not see himself in the mirror. “The mirror reflects what is in front of him and I was only a reflection of my wealth then. But from now on it will be different.” he said and smiled. “From now on I will take care of myself. I will never forget about myself and those who I love again,” he concluded and then he noticed his reflection in the lake.